The curse of speaking English

One of the biggest hurdles in your way as an English native speaker on your year abroad is actually getting the chance to practice the new language. Here’s a list of instances where I’ve come across such a problem and possible solutions (if any) that I’ve found.

1. International Students: Many people on their year abroad choose to study as I did in Germany. As an international student it is unfortunately very common that the majority of your friends will be international students too. No problem you say. As international students we will all speak different languages and *German (for example) will be our common language. Doesn’t work like that I’m afraid.

a. There will undoubtedly be many British, Irish, American, Canadian, Australian, South African…. students at your university. It is very easy to end up stuck in a clique with said students. No matter how much you try to resist it, it is very difficult not to make friends with at least a few. That’s ok I’ll just tell them that I will only speak *German with them. Easier said than done. It is incredibly weird and awkward speaking to someone of your native tongue in another language especially if you are alone. Plus you get into the habit of adding in English words or phrases every now and then when you’ve forgot it in *German. This defeats the purpose a little and after 5 or 10 mins you end up giving up completely and reverting back to English.

My Solution: My solution was to try and have a diverse group of friends. I admit I did hang around with my English and American friends a lot, but the majority of my friends in Marburg were East Asian. I was lucky to have made friends with a few who could speak barely any English at all so I HAD to speak German with them. I really envied them though. I wish I didn’t speak English some times.

b. However don’t think that staying clear of the English speakers is going to help. Everyone comes to the university with varying levels of *German and you can easily find yourself with a group of friends who speak little or no *German in comparison to a lovely, fluent like knowledge of English. That’s the problem with English it’s the “international” language which helps us communicate with people from any country around the globe. Great when travelling, a pain in the neck when your on your year abroad.

2. You speak English? Let me show off my English skills to you: One of the most irritating experiences which occurs again and again is when you order/ask/speak in *German and you receive an answer in English. People love to practice their English with you. If they catch a hint of an accent, overhear your conversation with your friend in the line or you hand over your passport to them all of a sudden they switch to English mode. It’s not just strangers who do this. Plenty of the German students in Marburg conversed with us in English. I found it really irritating especially because they had all previously done year abroads in America, Japan etc, how would they have liked it if all the locals had spoken in German to them.

a. My Solution: In Germany I came up with a solution that worked really well. Just completely ignore the person’s use of English and continue to answer in German, even add in bits of German where it completely isn’t necessary just to prove your point and to make them look stupid.They eventually give up. For example:

Me: Guten Tag

Shop Assistant: That’s five euros ninety

Me: Ok, dann gebe ich Ihnen Zehn Euro (pretty unnecessary for me to specify that I’m handing him/her 10 euros)

Shop Assistant: Four euros ten change. Goodbye.

Me: Schoenen Tag noch. Tschuess.

Shop Assistant: Gleich fals (<—ahaha got you!)

 

3. Teach me English: University students are not the only ones who are haunted by the demands of their mother tongue. I am finding it just as difficult to escape it here in Italy on my teaching assistantship. Naturally I am not complaining about having to speak English at the school. It is my job after all. But some people are trying their best to take advantage of my English speaking capabilities. For example one of the teachers has asked for private lessons at her house once a week for 20 euros an hour. Fair enough. But then she’s asking me to come round at the weekends as well because so and so would love to learn some English, oh and come for dinner on Tuesday because my Brother wants to learn. Then there is the son. The son who obviously has no interest in learning English whatsoever but because “learning English is important” I’m expected to go out with him and his mates a few times a week because it would be a great way to improve their English. Wow, good for them, but what about my Italian! Do you really think I want to waste my time speaking English with Italians when I could be speaking, oh I don’t know, ITALIAN with them!!!

My Solution: Make up some excuse and go out with my Italian friends who do not have psycho mums. Eat pizza and speak lots and lots of Italian.

4. Don’t worry my niece/son/friend/dog speaks English: A lot of the adults here in Naples assume that because I am the “Madrelingua”,aka native speaking English assistant, I obviously cannot speak or understand a single word of Italian apart from ciao. They are completely oblivious to the fact that I am living with a family who speak no English at all. “You communicate with hand movements right?”. At the moment everyone is concerned about finding me people my own age to go out with, which is fine. What is not fine is that the criteria for every candidate is that they speak English. In fact I received a message on facebook from a girl who sounds really very nice explaining who she was and that she’d love to go out with me some time. The message was written in rather awkward English “I square that I will learn you a bit Italian if you like” was my favourite part. The reason she chose to write it in English was because “I know you don’t speak Italian”.

My Solution: I wrote a very pleasant message back to the girl saying how happy I was that she was offering to go out with me and that I’d love to get to know her. However I wrote it all in Italian and not to blow my own trumpet or anything but my message to her was a lot better than hers in terms of grammar and accuracy. Fingers crossed her reply will be in Italian and she’ll probably be doubting the sanity of her Aunt who told her that she had to write to me in English because that’s all I can understand.

So yes speaking English is very inconvenient when you want to practice speaking a different language. Japanese, Chinese, Portuguese, Czech, Punjabi, Swahili speakers will never come across this as often and as difficult as we do. To top is all off, having one of the most simplistic grammatical systems we are left with having to learn languages with cases, genders, word order, oh my head hurts just thinking of it. Being a native English speaker is a blessing and a curse all at the same time.