I’ve lost my drive.

I got a bit of a shock today when I turned on my laptop and looked at the countdown on my desktop. 33 days until I go home! This is exciting news as I’m becoming incredibly more and more home sick but this is also terrifying.

Where did the time go?

This lack of time scares me because I feel like I could still improve my Italian a lot, I don’t feel like I’ve properly experienced all that Italy has to offer yet and probably the most stressful of all is that I have a 3000-3500 word essay due in five days after I return and I'm still on my preliminary reading.

The main reason why I’m feeling like this is my own fault. I’ve lost my drive to do anything here in Italy. I’ve pretty much lost track of time because everyday is the same. I get up, go to work, come home, sit on the computer, maybe give a private lesson, come home, sit on the computer, go to bed. In German everyday was unique, I was constantly busy doing something new. But I find it hard to push myself to do stuff here. My mentor keeps getting on my back about why I always wait for people to contact me about going out, why don’t I contact them. The truth is that I’m not that fussed about going out with them. Like I’ve said before they are not the type of people I would hang out with at home. I only agree to going out with them so I can speak some Italian, not for enjoyment. I feel like a real b*tch saying that, but it’s the truth. I haven’t really travelled in Italy because the price scares me. A weekend away costs about triple the price that it would in Germany. I also don’t like the idea of spending the weekend by myself. At the moment I’m contemplating going to Florence for 2 nights after my boyfriend leaves because I really want to see the statue of David. But there is some force pulling me back.

I think I’m probably stuck in this rut because of boredom. I just want to go home. My time here in Italy is no where near as enjoyable as Germany. It’s no ones fault and it could be much worse. I’m very lucky to have my three mums here (My mentor, host mum, and the teacher I give English lessons to) without them and their kindness I probably would have gone insane. 

This post has ended up as a bit of an unstructured ramble, which pretty much sums up the state of my mind at the moment. 33 days huh? 33 days.