Well I’m back in Marburg. I arrived this evening.
My time in England was short (2 weeks and 2 days to be exact) but while I was there it felt like I’d never left. The last 3 and a half months disappeared. I had an amazing Christmas and New Year. It was lovely seeing old friends again. Part of me missed Marburg. I missed my friends here a lot.
My last two days at home were different though. The house seemed very quiet. We all knew that we didn’t have much time left together and we knew there was nothing we could do about it.
I burst into tears when we approached the security area of Heathrow airport. I felt so guilty seeing my younger brother and sister cry. They just kept saying “please don’t go” “I don’t want you to go” “why do you have to go?”. They are too young to understand that this is compulsory for me. I wish with all my heart that I could stay with them. I’m not leaving them out of choice.
I’ve really come to reassess my role as a big sister. I want to be there for them. I’ve never felt closer to them as I have done this last year and to now be ripped away from them until the end of June…well, it’s really eating me up inside.
Coming back to my bedroom here was odd. It no longer seemed as happy and friendly as it had done when I left it in December. It now just reminds me of my solitude here in Germany. The room is eerily quiet. When you live with a 8 and 11 year old you get accustom to the shouting and laughter, bumps and bangs, etc.
In a way I’m happy that I’m not going home now between Germany and Italy. Saying goodbye is too hard and it was a relief to no that this would be the last time that I have say goodbye to them like this. I need to be a strong and brave young lady now. I know that they love me and that they want me to make the most of my time here. Time in Germany is running out and if Italy flies by just as quickly then I’ll be back home before I know it. In the meantime the end of June seems really far away. :(
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