I’ve been back home for two weeks now so it’s time I give a quick update.
I’ve found adjusting back to UK life difficult. I don’t know whether it is some sort of culture shock or a slight touch of depression or whether it has something to do with the events that happened on my first night home (I’ll explain in a bit) but I find myself feeling uncomfortable about going out of the house or talking to anyone who isn’t a member of my family. In fact we hosted a BBQ last weekend and invited round my mum’s friends and I pretty much hid away in my bedroom because I didn’t want to answer all of the questions they were bound to ask me about my year abroad. Strange considering that I loved my time away and should want to share it with people.
I don’t know if this is normal behaviour or not for someone in my position. I mean on your year abroad you are so independent and you are constantly experiencing something new, whilst at home everything is so…familiar. My view of England has definitely changed. Before I left for Germany I appreciated the modern aspects of my country but now I feel myself yearning for traditional things. We went to my sister’s school fête the other day which is in a very small village just outside of my town. The town is so…English. Tudor buildings, Saturday markets in the square, a town crier, etc etc. This is the type of place that I want to live in. Somewhere full of culture, history and community. This time last year I never gave that village a second thought.
It’s hard to tell whether I’ve been keeping myself in the house because of my melancholy or because I don’t have a choice. I don’t have a huge amount of friends in my home town and the one’s that I do have aren’t here at the moment, so even if I did want to go out with someone, I can’t.
I promised that I would explain about the events of my first night back home. I went to one of my best friend’s birthday party after only having landed a few hours earlier. I was still emotional and a bit overwhelmed by I went for her. She was too busy hosting it all and the only two people there who I properly knew were two girls with whom I’d had a massive falling out with just after I went to uni. To cut a long story short my friend asked them to talk to me but I couldn’t handle the fakeness of it all, all of the hurt that I’d kept pent up over the past three years about what happened made me feel so vunerable and upset that I left after just an hour.
I don’t know if that had some type of effect or not but it sure did make an emotional day even more emotional.
Anyway enough of the doom and gloom, I am off back to Germany on Wednesday for two weeks to see friends, deal with unfinished business and watched the F1 German Grandprix :D I’m so excited for it all, I can’t wait.
I’ll be sure to post about it.
Until then, bye,
